Beliefs and fears and desires and...oh my!

Everybody is a believer ~ even the most cynical of those among us! That is, we all believe in something. For example, many of us involved in, and committed to romantic relationships believe, on some level of consciousness, in the concept and practice of love. Likewise, many of us who breathe, eat, sleep, dream and move through the world believe in life…and so on, and so forth.

A spiritual perspective simply encourages us to exercise our beliefs with sensitivity. Developing clarity around how and what we believe is significant. In order to gain an understanding of the particular ways in which we believe, we need to explore what we know about our perceptions and attitudes. Some of the things we may need to unravel with this regard include an understanding of the types of beliefs we carry on a day to day basis, and an awareness of the intensity of our beliefs as we are holding them ~ with conscious thoughts we have awareness of our cognitions as they are happening, or not long thereafter.

Now, let’s return to the issue of romantic love. If we enter into a new relationship believing that it is not going to last very long (or that ultimately it will not work out), we run the risk of creating a negative self-fulfilling prophecy.  There are many, many of us who carry certain cognitions, including the belief that we are not worthy of being loved; that any love relationship we enter into will ultimately fail; that true love does not exist, and/or that we attract “bad people” because we are damaged (to name but a few). Yet most psychologists would agree that the desire of most human beings to love and be loved is phenomenal.


When fear based thoughts are contextualized by (relational) trauma they are very understandable, however they are also misguided. A big problem exists when our thoughts are incompatible with our wishes; when we assume the worst, even as a self protective measure (in order to avoid too much disappointment) what we usually unwittingly help to bring about is the complete opposite of our truest desires. In essence, through our fear based attempts to secure emotional safety we may end up locking ourselves into a self imposed, self-constructed prison allowing us the scarcest amount of room to live up to our fullest potential.

So how does the idea of the self-fulfilling prophecy work?

A psychological lens, more specifically cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), concerns itself with the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviors. This idea, in a nutshell, suggests that what we think (our cognitions) informs what we feel, which then influences how we behave. Note: these types of thoughts and feelings should be distinguished from intuition, which is another type of process altogether. Now consider the following contrasting examples to gain more of an understanding of how this idea (CBT) works, remembering to bear in mind the significance of conscious, pre-conscious and unconscious levels of awareness in all of these processes:

1. Thought:  There is something wrong with me. Because I am damaged I am only able to attract other damaged people who may seek to exploit me ↓
    
   Feeling:    I am mistrustful and fearful of people who attempt to engage me romantically ↓
    
   Behavior: I distance myself from people, and may even sabotage potential relationships as a way to maintain control over what I perceive to be inevitable feelings of loss, abandonment and/or rejection
    
2. Thought: I am a loving human being with much to offer; the world is a huge place with plenty of good and honorable people in it who can clearly recognize my worth ↓
    
   Feeling: I am excited about the possibilities to love and be loved ↓
    
   Behavior: I place intention into creating opportunities for myself during which I might meet interesting people for friendship and/or romance, and connect authentically with others even if it means straying away from my comfort zone
    

In both of the aforementioned examples the subject desires to love and be loved. However the thought patterns of example one are contrary to these desires and will likely bring about the subject’s fearful expectations, unlike the subject in example two, whose desires are aligned with her beliefs.






~ ~ ~

A metaphysical lens emphasizes the idea that “like attracts like.” Note: this does NOT mean that we attract people to us who are like us. What this actually means is that we attract according to our beliefs. If our beliefs are largely fear based, we will manifest (attract) our fears. In other words, the “Law of Attraction” will not work according to our desires unless our beliefs are in concert with them.

The primary principle to pay attention to is that we have the power to create our reality with our thoughts and our thoughts are not always the same as our desires, although we may trick ourselves into believing that they are.  It is important to recognize that our thoughts can be conscious and/or unconscious. When our thoughts linger in the unconscious zone things can be tricky because it is impossible to access, and alter thoughts that we have no awareness of. With this in mind, seeking counsel/healing from a trusted person or persons who can assist with bringing our thoughts, feelings and wishes to the surface, whether it be through traditional talk therapy, spiritual psychic medium readings and/or energy work can be invaluable. Alongside increased recognition and awareness of our thought processes we can analyze any distrustful, negative beliefs and judgments we may be exercising in relation to a love relationship situation, take note of the abovementioned principle, and make an authentic attempt to adjust our thinking so that our truest desires may be realized!

Additionally, recognition of the incredible power we carry as cerebral beings is fundamental: because our beliefs can effect physical, mental, emotional and spiritual change ~ for better or for worse ~ knowing what we are sending out energetically is paramount, not only on personal levels connected to love, family, education and career but to our survival as a species! Our thoughts affect our behavior which in turn affects responses to us on individual, collective and universal levels. Some metaphilosophers have referred to this phenomenon as “Cause and Effect”.

 

Remember: We have the power to create our reality with our beliefs, therefore it is important to strive to be aware of what and how we are thinking, when we are thinking it. Now go and think about that!

 

 

 

 

Energy Healing/Reiki Sessions and Classes!

I am currently offering Energy Healing/Reiki sessions through my practice. All sessions take place in a peaceful office space. These sessions typically last anywhere between 45 minutes to an hour, unless they are combined with Counseling, in which case they are a bit shorter. The time is rarely evenly split between Reiki and Counseling. On occasion people might prefer to spend significantly more time receiving Reiki than Counseling, or vice versa; the way the time is balanced is naturally negotiated during the session.

 

Right at the outset of your receiving Energy Healing I will talk to you about my technique, and ask you if you have any questions about the process! I will invite you to lie on a table, fully clothed - many people choose to remove their shoes - and I will quite simply place my hands on your head, shoulders, back, chest stomach and limbs. Meditative and focused, I will channel healing energy from the environment to you, and you will receive the right amount of energy you need to increase balance on body, mind, emotion and spirit levels.

 

Some sensations you may experience include tingling, pulsing, relaxation and a feeling of deep warmth and comfort.

 

As an energy worker I do not diagnose, or prosthelytize regarding what is "wrong" with you, or how to make it "right". On occasion, however, I will offer you "feedback" related to the presence of healing energy at the sites of current and/or past injuries. Additionally, during the session I may be given communications from spirit guides (mine, and/or yours) to pass on to you (after the session). I will always ask you if you wish to receive such information before it is conveyed.

 

Results can be subtle, profound and anywhere in between! Following their Reiki sessions some recipients have reported greater relaxation, less stress and anxiety, a sense of calm, reduced pain and discomfort and spiritual journeys, and have used words such as: “profound”, "very relaxing", “amazing”, “life altering” and “relieving” to describe their own subjective experiences!

 

A final note on my role in Energy Healing/Reiki Sessions...

In accordance with the teachings on Energy Healing/Reiki, it is my understanding that during a Reiki session the universal life energy flows not from me, but through me, to you. As such, I do not view, or refer to myself as a healer, but rather a facilitator of holistic healing processes.

Are you an Empath?

Ever wondered what an "empath" is, and whether you might be one? If so, you are encouraged to read on!

• Do you sometimes wake up in the morning feeling like you have been run over by a freight train, with no discernible reason other than having spent time with a larger than usual number of people the day before? 

• Would most people who know you well be inclined to agree that you are “sensitive”?
  
  
  
  
• Do you experience frequent bouts of telepathy? For example, do you often find yourself thinking or dreaming about someone and then receiving a phone call, email or text message out of the blue from them?

• Do you sometimes find yourself carrying intense emotions and not being able to figure out where they are coming from?

• Do people (even complete strangers) have a tendency to gravitate towards you to “offload”? For example: do you find that people tell you things (as though they are confessing) they have never told anyone else before?

• Do you have odd experiences with electricity and other sources of energy (for example, you get electric shocks (a lot!); the batteries of many things around you seem to drain very fast; light bulbs tend to flicker in your presence)?

• Do you have a tendency to experience visceral discomfort when witnessing, or hearing about someone else’s pain (physical or emotional)?

• Are you frequently fatigued for no apparent reason?

• Do you suffer from a host of very real physical ailments which are unable to be verified medically?

• Do you communicate with animals and/or plants?

• Are you visited by what you suspect may be entities from other realms?

• Do you routinely experience strong (sometimes unpleasant) sensations like nausea, anxiety and choking while in the presence of specific people?

• Do you have significant problems sleeping?

• Are you often told that you are "too emotional?"

• Do you find yourself frequently “knowing” when someone is emphatically stating one thing (or acting in a certain way) while actually feeling the opposite?

  Do you ever feel like you are picking up the physical symptoms of another?

  Do you have a frequent need for solitude?

 Are you drawn to water?

  Have you been told by others that you have "warm" or “healing hands”?

  Do you tend to put the needs of others above your own?

   If you answered "yes" to half or more of these questions you could be an empath!

    So, what is an Empath?

At first glance the word “empath” may appear to bear some resemblance to the word “empathic”; however, there are some fundamental differences between the two which are important to clarify.

One of the more important distinctions is that being empathic tends to be a conscious choice, whereas the experiences of an empath are often involuntary. Furthermore, while an empathic person strives to understand and feel the experiences of another on cerebral and emotional levels, the empath literally takes on the energy of another, and can do this across space and time; via face-to-face encounters, telephone conversations, dreams, music, thoughts, sex, clothes, food – the list is endless, as everything is comprised of energy.

 For the empath, then, it is all about energy. An empath can be likened to a large sponge, knowingly and unknowingly soaking up the energetic vibrations of anything and everything they encounter. Consider the following points:

 Empaths exposed to various sizes of groups of people often find themselves “taking on” a plethora of (contradictory) emotions belonging to others, which can leave them feeling confused, conflicted and worn out (it is because of this phenomenon that many empaths get labeled with mood disorders);

•  

• While involuntarily taking on multiple identities, some empaths may notice a loss of their authentic self, leading to a feeling of little to no control over the direction their life is going;
   

• The empath who wears used clothing, jewelry or shoes may adopt certain aspects of the personality and characteristics of the previous wearers;
   

• Many empaths may develop instant feelings of aversion towards certain individuals that are so strong – without apparent reason - that it impacts their ability to tolerate being in the presence of some people;
   

• If you are an empath, you may notice some people distancing themselves from you due to unconscious and/or conscious fears of the uncovering of things they would rather were kept secret;
   

• Empaths engaged in healing work may notice themselves becoming ill with the same ailments as the healees they serve, while the healees recover.

  If the preceding list of experiences identified as being common to empaths seems daunting, it might be helpful to consider the idea that there is actually a “double-edged sword” nature attached to being an empath. While one side of the sword has been described above, the other side corresponds to the fact that it can be extremely powerful, in personal and spiritual ways, to be deeply perceptive on intuitive, mental and emotional levels. 

 In the same way that some empaths can be repelled by the energies in some people to the extent that they are unable to be around them, they can also be magnetically drawn to others who have active or latent empath ability, thus helping to contribute towards the development of a collective consciousness which is geared towards the sensibility of healing, through merging with such others. Moreover, if an empath is truly paying attention to/trusting their intuitive abilities and connecting with others who are similarly "gifted" they are able to influence the direction of the Universe in a way that is consistent with its ultimate survival.

~ Got Gentleness? ~

Our willingness to learn, and exercise gentle ways of existing is one of the most fundamental keys to the sustainability of life on planet earth.

On individual and personal levels, we can distribute gentleness when we are able to offer ourselves kindness, compassion and forgiveness, in the face of any negative choices we may have made, regardless of the extent of any harmful consequences which may have arisen as a result of any such choices. This can be very hard to do for a variety of reasons, one of the most significant being that many of us are socialized to have expectations of ourselves (and others) that are unrealistic when it comes to human and spiritual development. In other words, we are taught by our parents, our schools, our religious institutions, our criminal justice systems and our media (to name but a few) to engage in certain types of judgmental, and dualistic thinking when we reflect upon our (or others’) subjective behavior. As a matter of course, we deem ourselves wise or foolish, good or bad, right or wrong, guilty or innocent, and so on, and so forth.

A spiritual perspective does not recognize either/or categories when it comes to contemplating life choices ~ categorical labels are not conducive to personal growth or freedom ~ but understands that we are all in a process of some type of evolutional change, and have the capacity to learn greatly from our mistakes (and successes!). Once we have held ourselves accountable, and taken responsibility for our own actions (in whatever form that may take for us), the next greatest thing we can do for ourselves (and others) is to offer ourselves (our own) forgiveness.

While gentleness can be the key to helping us to relearn self-love and self-forgiveness, guilt, by contrast, is an emotion that can be energetically heavy, and often inconspicuously deleterious, when it comes to our health. Additionally, carrying guilty sentiment around, consciously or unconsciously, can greatly reduce our ability to connect with, and contribute to, the healing evolution of the universe. When the preceding principles are adjusted, and applied on interpersonal, societal and global levels, we can begin to explore these interrelated areas by asking ourselves the following questions:

What does the concept of gentleness mean to us? What kinds of images are evoked for us when we imagine ourselves in operation as gentle beings? How can we employ gentleness during our communicative exchanges with others? How might gentleness be utilized within our community systems and, what would it look like? What kinds of gentle acts could have a global impact, and how can we engage in such acts?

Remember: When we forgive ourselves, we give others permission to do the same, thus helping to facilitate the spiritual flow of life!

Photo by Tanja Askani 

~It’s ok to be Angry!!! ~

The idea that anger is a ‘negative’ and undesirable emotion to feel, or express is one which exists in many different arenas. This seems to be especially true in ‘new age’ spiritual and/or therapeutic communities where the suppression and ‘management’ of angry sentiment is covertly and sometimes overtly encouraged. As a spiritually and holistically oriented psychotherapist I have to say that I couldn’t disagree more with what I perceive to be a largely fear-based concept. Indeed, I am of the opinion that anger, when validated and channeled constructively can be an extremely healthy and positive thing, with the power to catalyze forward movement and individual and social change. Consider the following examples:

Barry has slowly been growing more and more disconcerted by the fact that each week his passionate sentiments about global war and genocide, when brought up at the Buddhist prayer circle he participates in, are referred to as ‘negative’ and ‘inappropriate’ subjects for contemplation within that particular community. Eventually he consciously decides to voice his feelings at the next congregational meeting. During the group share he verbalizes his anger at being silenced upon numerous past attempts to share his perceptions and perspectives about various forms of social injustice with the community. After the meeting a couple of other group members, inspired by his openness come to him and privately validate his concerns. At a later date he decides to write a letter of complaint to the religious leaders of the organization, in which he articulates his anger and discusses why he thinks that the dichotomy between peaceful living and social justice organizing is a false one. He also makes recommendations as to how the organization can change some of their practices to be more inclusive and less exclusive when it comes to emotional expression. At length he decides to take up running as a way of further discharging his frustrations;

Janet is brutally assaulted in a date rape situation. She receives a mental health diagnosis of PTSD. A few months later she joins a psychodrama therapy group in which she is encouraged to express and channel her feelings of rage through role play, role reversal, enactment and sharing. One of the group facilitators refers her to a non-profit organization which offers self defense training classes for women. It is over an hour’s drive away but Janet goes anyway. Three months into the class Janet becomes inspired enough to open up her own school in her local community where no offerings of that nature currently exist;

Hector is a 12 year old boy who has been struggling noticeably (emotionally and behaviorally) within his school setting. In the past six months he has been sent to the principal’s office, numerous times, for defiant, oppositional and instigatory behavior directed towards authority figures and some of his peers. During one such occasion he is directed to stay after school to serve detention time, which is to be hosted by his art teacher. At the time of the detention, the art teacher (a former counselor) says to Hector: “I have noticed you becoming very frustrated, very quickly these days. It seems like you are very angry. Have you noticed that about yourself? Do you know what you are so angry about?” Hector quickly proceeds to tell her that he hates his mother and wishes she were dead. Not long thereafter Hector is referred to an expressive arts therapist who encourages him to ‘talk’ about his angry feelings by using/creating visual art as a vehicle for communication. Later on, when Hector’s mother is invited to join him for a session it comes to light that Hector’s mother has been using corporal punishment as a way of disciplining him, which frequently goes above and beyond a mere spanking. Hector’s mother is subsequently referred to a therapist who helps her address the deep seated anger and resentment she has been holding towards her father for years, and misplacing onto her son, Hector.

The preceding examples are ‘good-case scenario’ illustrations of three individuals who have chosen and/or been invited to acknowledge, express and channel their angry emotions with a view to psychological restoration and healing.

A very real danger exists when people are forbidden (implicitly or explicitly) to express their angry feelings: when individuals attempt to suppress, repress or disguise angry emotions, for a long enough period of time, there can be truly negative consequences which can play themselves out in a variety of ways:

On an individual level, a person who is unable to express their anger eventually turns it inward, towards the self (as there is nowhere else for it to go), where it manifests as depression. Further manifestations of this type of depression may include various forms of self injury, such as head banging, cutting, addictions and other attacks against the self. Additionally, internalized anger and suicide are correlated. When anger energy remains unexpressed for a long enough time it turns into a type of stagnant resentment, and negativistic way of moving in the world which may ultimately manifest into various forms of (serious) physical dis-ease;

On an interpersonal level, people who are fearful of expressing their anger directly may become hostile towards others (usually friends and/or lovers) in indirect ways. This is often referred to as passive aggressive behavior, where the repressed, angry (often perceived by acquaintances as quiet) person may invoke extremely angry responses in friends and lovers due to their own, largely unconscious efforts to communicate their anger and resentment in covert ways. The ‘flip’ side of this is misplaced or displaced anger, in which the same fearful person might overreact to people (usually strangers perceived to be unable to hold them accountable) showing large displays of anger and aggression over relatively small, insignificant things. Some examples of this may include road rage, becoming extremely angry with customer service representatives/telemarketers over the phone and/or lashing out at small children or pets;

On wider community and societal levels, calamitous instances in which apparently “insane” individuals run amok are frequently, at least partly attributed to the cumulative, stifled, ultimately explosive rage of the individual perpetuating the crime (s).

Closing thoughts:

Unless confirmed otherwise, it is generally a good idea to assume that people who are feeling angry have genuine, valid reasons to feel the way they do (not the other way around), even if the original source of the anger is deeply buried.

Prohibiting people from expressing angry sentiment is a type of oppression which can morph into depression and/or aggression with very serious consequences.

Encouraging others to discuss their feelings freely is a good habit to adopt! The closer a person is to the original source of anger the less convoluted, and potentially distressing the expressed feelings are likely to be, to the speaker and anyone in earshot; it makes sense for adults to be attuned to these types of emotions in young people with a view to promoting their (prudent) expression. If we notice ourselves feeling very uncomfortable around reasonable expressions of anger it can perhaps be helpful to acknowledge and explore our own issues with anger and conflict, rather than labeling or shaming the openly angry person.