The idea
that anger
is a ‘negative’ and undesirable emotion to feel, or express is one
which exists in many different arenas. This seems to be especially true in ‘new
age’ spiritual and/or therapeutic communities where the suppression and
‘management’ of angry sentiment is covertly and sometimes overtly encouraged.
As a spiritually and holistically oriented psychotherapist I have to say that I
couldn’t disagree more with what I perceive to be a largely fear-based concept.
Indeed, I am of the opinion that anger, when validated and channeled constructively
can be an extremely healthy and positive thing, with the power to
catalyze forward movement and individual and social change. Consider the
following examples:
Barry has slowly been growing more and more disconcerted by
the fact that each week his passionate sentiments about global war and
genocide, when brought up at the Buddhist prayer circle he participates in, are
referred to as ‘negative’ and ‘inappropriate’ subjects for contemplation within
that particular community. Eventually he consciously decides to voice his
feelings at the next congregational meeting. During the group share he verbalizes
his anger at being silenced upon numerous past attempts to share his
perceptions and perspectives about various forms of social injustice with the
community. After the meeting a couple of other group members, inspired by his
openness come to him and privately validate his concerns. At a later date he
decides to write a letter of complaint to the religious leaders of the
organization, in which he articulates his anger and discusses why he thinks
that the dichotomy between peaceful living and social justice organizing is a
false one. He also makes recommendations as to how the organization can change
some of their practices to be more inclusive and less exclusive when it comes
to emotional expression. At length he decides to take up running as a way of further
discharging his frustrations;
Janet is brutally assaulted in a date rape situation. She
receives a mental health diagnosis of PTSD. A few months later she joins a
psychodrama therapy group in which she is encouraged to express and channel her
feelings of rage through role play, role reversal, enactment and sharing. One
of the group facilitators refers her to a non-profit organization which offers
self defense training classes for women. It is over an hour’s drive away but
Janet goes anyway. Three months into the class Janet becomes inspired enough to
open up her own school in her local community where no offerings of that nature
currently exist;
Hector is a 12 year old boy who has been struggling noticeably
(emotionally and behaviorally) within his school setting. In the past six
months he has been sent to the principal’s office, numerous times, for defiant,
oppositional and instigatory behavior directed towards authority figures and
some of his peers. During one such occasion he is directed to stay after school
to serve detention time, which is to be hosted by his art teacher. At the time
of the detention, the art teacher (a former counselor) says to Hector: “I have
noticed you becoming very frustrated, very quickly these days. It seems like
you are very angry. Have you noticed that about yourself? Do you know what you
are so angry about?” Hector quickly proceeds to tell her that he hates his
mother and wishes she were dead. Not long thereafter Hector is referred to an
expressive arts therapist who encourages him to ‘talk’ about his angry feelings
by using/creating visual art as a vehicle for communication. Later on, when
Hector’s mother is invited to join him for a session it comes to light that
Hector’s mother has been using corporal punishment as a way of disciplining
him, which frequently goes above and beyond a mere spanking. Hector’s mother is
subsequently referred to a therapist who helps her address the deep seated
anger and resentment she has been holding towards her father for years, and
misplacing onto her son, Hector.
The preceding examples are ‘good-case scenario’ illustrations
of three individuals who have chosen and/or been invited to acknowledge,
express and channel their angry emotions with a view to psychological
restoration and healing.
A very real danger exists when people are forbidden
(implicitly or explicitly) to express their angry feelings: when individuals
attempt to suppress, repress or disguise angry emotions, for a long enough
period of time, there can be truly negative consequences which can play themselves
out in a variety of ways:
On an individual level,
a person who is unable to express their anger eventually turns it inward, towards
the self (as there is nowhere else for it to go), where it manifests as
depression. Further manifestations of this type of depression may include
various forms of self injury, such as head banging, cutting, addictions and
other attacks against the self. Additionally, internalized anger and suicide
are correlated. When anger energy remains unexpressed for a long enough time it
turns into a type of stagnant resentment, and negativistic way of moving in the
world which may ultimately manifest into various forms of (serious) physical
dis-ease;
On an interpersonal level, people who are fearful of
expressing their anger directly may become hostile towards others (usually
friends and/or lovers) in indirect ways. This is often referred to as passive
aggressive behavior, where the repressed, angry (often perceived by
acquaintances as quiet) person may invoke extremely angry responses in friends
and lovers due to their own, largely unconscious efforts to communicate their
anger and resentment in covert ways. The ‘flip’ side of this is misplaced or
displaced anger, in which the same fearful person might overreact to people
(usually strangers perceived to be unable to hold them accountable) showing
large displays of anger and aggression over relatively small, insignificant
things. Some examples of this may include road rage, becoming extremely angry
with customer service representatives/telemarketers over the phone and/or
lashing out at small children or pets;
On wider community and societal levels, calamitous
instances in which apparently “insane” individuals run amok are frequently, at
least partly attributed to the cumulative, stifled, ultimately explosive rage
of the individual perpetuating the crime (s).
Closing thoughts:
Unless confirmed otherwise, it is generally a good idea
to assume that people who are feeling angry have genuine, valid reasons to feel
the way they do (not the other way around), even if the original source of the
anger is deeply buried.
Prohibiting people from expressing angry sentiment is a
type of oppression which can morph into depression and/or aggression with very
serious consequences.
Encouraging others to discuss their feelings freely is a
good habit to adopt! The closer a person is to the original source of anger the
less convoluted, and potentially distressing the expressed feelings are likely
to be, to the speaker and anyone in earshot; it makes sense for adults to be
attuned to these types of emotions in young people with a view to promoting
their (prudent) expression. If we notice ourselves feeling very uncomfortable
around reasonable expressions of anger it can perhaps be helpful to acknowledge
and explore our own issues with anger and conflict, rather than labeling or
shaming the openly angry person.
